Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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