i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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