Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
