guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize