dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
