I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i believe in u and ur pee
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
