Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
