I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Four minutes until I can fart!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
