At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
