If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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