She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
