Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
