Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
