when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
