Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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