ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
