New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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