i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
soo... how was my night?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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