I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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