She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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