i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize