Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
