i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We just shotgunned beers for America
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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