I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think your dad took our porno
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
