Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
