New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
