we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
