i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
