You really coming over, don't trick.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
