just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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