It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Randomize
