I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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