it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
