Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize