Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
