I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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