I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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