Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
