If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
