I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
