Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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