i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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