It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
