Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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