i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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