well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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