Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
