Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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