I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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