No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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