She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
