Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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