I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Randomize
