dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
FUCK WHALES
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
