lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
