I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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