Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
