she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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