She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
