You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
