You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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