Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
