she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize