honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
