I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize