Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
did you just send me my own nude
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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