i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
