I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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