The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
