I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
