Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
