She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
