my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it glows. i had to have it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
