Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize