I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize