Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
