I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Can I color on your dick again?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
