hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
