turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
