Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
