so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
