no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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