my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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