Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
