I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
