Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
