We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
