so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
