I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Drunk is not a location!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
