I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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