he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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