whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
