Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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