Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
