I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
there is glitter all over my balls
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