We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
