I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
