Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
