i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
