eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
