Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
