My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
