broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
