So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I looked at my own cervix.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
