Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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