Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
