when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
what is it with giant penises always finding me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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