Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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