Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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