Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think your dad took our porno
Go christen that room with your naked body.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
