i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
