Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
