You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
