I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
