Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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