her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
