So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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