Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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